What do you call a girl with an hourglass figure? – A waist of time.
Why did the gym close down? – It just didn’t work out.
I got hit in the head with a can of soda yesterday. Luckily for me, it was a soft drink.
Confucius say, man who runs behind car will get exhausted, but man who runs in front of car will get tired.
I couldn’t quite remember how to throw a boomerang, but eventually it came back to me.
When a family friend passed away, my granddaughter took her three-year-old son to visit the widow. As they approached the front door, she whispered to the boy, “Make sure to tell her how sorry you are. ” He whispered back, “Why? I didn’t kill him.”
My cow just wandered into a field of marijuana. The steaks have never been so high…
Q: What did the drunk emo say to the bartender? A: Nothing! He was hung over. My sister thinks shes so smart, shes said onions are the only food that makes you cry So I threw a coconut at her
how does a crazy person get to the woods? He takes the psychopath.
Two windmills are standing in a field and one asks the other, “What kind of music do you like?” – The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.”
How does a fish always know how much they weigh? – Because they have their own scales.
I told the doctor I didn’t want a brain surgery. But he changed my mind.
I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker. But when I got home, all the signs were there.
Why did the library book go to the doctor? – It needed to be checked out.
Two deer walk out of a gay bar. One of them turns to the other and says, “I can’t believe I blew forty bucks in there.”
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