Puns jokes

I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker. But when I got home, all the signs were there.

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Do you want to hear a money joke? Never mind it makes no cents

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What do you call a girl with an hourglass figure? – A waist of time.

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little johnny was siting in class one day and the teacher was talking about life and ask him " little johnny how do you want your wife to be like" and he answered " like the moon" and the teacher said " that’s such a beautiful answer because it calm and peaceful " and little htm title=' appears at night and disappears in the morning'>johnny said " no because it appears at night and disappears in the morning"

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Two deer walk out of a gay bar. One of them turns to the other and says, “I can’t believe I blew forty bucks in there.”

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How do trees get online? – They just log in.

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New Teslas don’t come with a new car smell they come with an Elon Musk

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Why was the ocean so blue? Because the island never waved back.

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a mexican was doing a magic trick he said “uno, dos,” then disappeared without a trace

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How does a fish always know how much they weigh? – Because they have their own scales.

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I got hit in the head with a can of soda yesterday. Luckily for me, it was a soft drink.

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Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson decide to go on a camping trip. After dinner and a bottle of wine, they lay down for the night, and go to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend. “Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.” Watson replied, “I see millions of stars.” “What does that tell you?” Watson pondered for a minute. “Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.” “Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo.” “Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three.” “Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant.” “Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.” “What does it tell you, Holmes?” Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke: “Watson, you idiot. Someone has stolen our tent!”

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I accidentally drank a little food colouring last night. I ended up dying inside.

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My boyfriend just broke up with me for talking about video games too much. what a stupid thing to Fallout 4.

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I would tell you a construction pun, but I’m still working on it

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