I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker. But when I got home, all the signs were there.
I tried to sue the airport for misplacing my luggage. – I lost my case.
My boss yelled at me the other day, “You’ve got to be the worst train driver in history. How many trains did you derail last year? ” I said, “Can’t say for sure, it’s so hard to keep track!”
What do you call 100 rabbits walking backwards? A receding hare line. How do you cut ancient Rome in half? With a pair of Caesars.
I hate how funerals are always at 9 a.m. – I’m not really a mourning person.
I named my dog 5-Miles so now I tell people I walk 5-Miles everyday
I would tell you a construction pun, but I’m still working on it
a mexican was doing a magic trick he said “uno, dos,” then disappeared without a trace
How does Moses prepare his tea? – Hebrews it.
I got hit in the head with a can of soda yesterday. Luckily for me, it was a soft drink.
What do you call a nose without a body? – Nobody knows.
Why do cows have hooves instead of feet? – Because they lactose.
Why do bees have sticky hair They always use honeycombs
What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? – One is really heavy, and the other is a little lighter.
What’s the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman? Snowballs.
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