Why doesn’t the Sun go to college? – Because it has a million degrees.
I’ve never worn my gay sweater, it hasn’t come out of the closet yet
You know why I don’t buy Velcro items anymore? They are a total rip off.
I tried to sue the airport for misplacing my luggage. – I lost my case.
Why do cows have hooves instead of feet? – Because they lactose.
What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? – One is really heavy, and the other is a little lighter.
Someone stole my toilet and the police have nothing to go on.
What do you call a nose without a body? – Nobody knows.
Do you know how to make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.
New Teslas don’t come with a new car smell they come with an Elon Musk
So what if I can’t spell Armageddon? It’s not the end of the world
I have a fear of speed bumps But i am slowly getting over it
What does a spy do when he’s cold? He goes under cover.
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson decide to go on a camping trip. After dinner and a bottle of wine, they lay down for the night, and go to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend. “Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.” Watson replied, “I see millions of stars.” “What does that tell you?” Watson pondered for a minute. “Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.” “Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo.” “Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three.” “Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant.” “Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.” “What does it tell you, Holmes?” Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke: “Watson, you idiot. Someone has stolen our tent!”
Dont trust atoms they make up everything.
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