You know why I don’t buy Velcro items anymore? They are a total rip off.
Two artists had an art contest. – It ended in a draw.
Confucius say, man who runs behind car will get exhausted, but man who runs in front of car will get tired.
I went for a job interview today and the manager said, “We’re looking for someone who is responsible.” “Well, I’m your man.” I replied, “In my last job, whenever anything went wrong, they said I was responsible.”
I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn’t find any.
My cow just wandered into a field of marijuana. The steaks have never been so high…
I told the doctor I didn’t want a brain surgery. But he changed my mind.
My friend gave me sugar for my birthday, she thought it was cheap I thought it was pretty sweet
What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? – One is really heavy, and the other is a little lighter.
Will glass coffins be a success? – Remains to be seen.
What do you call a girl with an hourglass figure? – A waist of time.
Do you know how to make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.
Do you want to hear a money joke? Never mind it makes no cents
Have you ever tried eating a clock? It’s really time-consuming, especially if you go for seconds.
I have a fear of speed bumps But i am slowly getting over it
RUS | ENG
