My friend gave me sugar for my birthday, she thought it was cheap I thought it was pretty sweet
If trees could kill you, they wood.
Some people think prison is one word…but to robbers it’s a whole sentence
If you’re waiting for the waiter at a restaurant, aren’t you the waiter?
Light travels faster than sound. That’s why some people appear bright until you hear them speak
What do you call a Russian tree? Dimitree
I wanted to make a belt out of watches, then I realized, it was a waist of time!
Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception was excellent. There’s a movie about constipation. It hasn’t come out yet.
Why were the Middle Ages called the Dark Ages? Because there were too many knights.
What is the best thing about living in Switzerland? – Well, the flag is a big plus.
An atom loses an electron… It says, “Man, I really gotta keep an ion them.”
how does a crazy person get to the woods? He takes the psychopath.
I once ate a watch. It was time consuming.
Why do cows have hooves instead of feet? – Because they lactose.
Two deer walk out of a gay bar. One of them turns to the other and says, “I can’t believe I blew forty bucks in there.”
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