Puns jokes

Some people think prison is one word…but to robbers it’s a whole sentence

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Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson decide to go on a camping trip. After dinner and a bottle of wine, they lay down for the night, and go to sleep.

Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend.

“Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.”

Watson replied, “I see millions of stars.”

“What does that tell you?”

Watson pondered for a minute.

“Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.” “Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo.” “Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three.” “Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant.” “Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.” “What does it tell you, Holmes?”

Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke: “Watson, you idiot. Someone has stolen our tent!”

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I once ate a watch. It was time consuming.

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Why did the picture go to jail? Cause it was framed!

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Thanks for explaining the word “many” to me, it means a lot.

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Do you know how to make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.

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I would tell you a construction pun, but I’m still working on it

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Two deer walk out of a gay bar. One of them turns to the other and says, “I can’t believe I blew forty bucks in there.”

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I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker.

But when I got home, all the signs were there.

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A mexican was doing a magic trick he said “uno, dos,” then disappeared without a trace

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My friend gave me sugar for my birthday, she thought it was cheap I thought it was pretty sweet

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What do you call 100 rabbits walking backwards?

A receding hare line.

How do you cut ancient Rome in half?

With a pair of Caesars.

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Light travels faster than sound. That’s why some people appear bright until you hear them speak

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I was addicted to the hokey pokey… but thankfully, I turned myself around.

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Dont trust atoms they make up everything.

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