Puns jokes

Light travels faster than sound. That’s why some people appear bright until you hear them speak

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Have you ever tried eating a clock? It’s really time-consuming, especially if you go for seconds.

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Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson decide to go on a camping trip. After dinner and a bottle of wine, they lay down for the night, and go to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend. “Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.” Watson replied, “I see millions of stars.” “What does that tell you?” Watson pondered for a minute. “Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.” “Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo.” “Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three.” “Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant.” “Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.” “What does it tell you, Holmes?” Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke: “Watson, you idiot. Someone has stolen our tent!”

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I’d tell a sodium and hydrogen pun, but NaH

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Someone stole my toilet and the police have nothing to go on.

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You wanna know why I hate circles so much? They’re just so pointless! But I guess that’s how they roll

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I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker. But when I got home, all the signs were there.

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How do trees get online? – They just log in.

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What do you call a nose without a body? – Nobody knows.

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I was wondering why the frisbee was getting bigger, then it hit me.

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I told the doctor I didn’t want a brain surgery. But he changed my mind.

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I’ve never worn my gay sweater, it hasn’t come out of the closet yet

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My boyfriend just broke up with me for talking about video games too much. what a stupid thing to Fallout 4.

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Thanks for explaining the word “many” to me, it means a lot.

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Claustrophobic people are more productive thinking out of the box.

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