Smoking jokes

Three friends are in a hotel room in Soviet Russia. The first two men open a bottle of vodka, while the third is tired and goes straight to bed. He is unable to sleep however, as his increasingly drunk friends tell political jokes loudly.

After a while, the tired man gets frustrated and walks downstairs for a smoke. He stops in the lounge and asks the receptionist to bring tea to their room in five minutes.

The man walks back into the room, joins the table, leans towards a power outlet and speaks into it:

“Comrade major, we want some tea to room 62 please.”

His friends laugh on the joke, until there is a knock on the door. The receptionist brings a teapot. His friends fall silent and pale, horrified of what they just witnessed. The party is dead, and the man goes to sleep.

After a good night’s rest, the man wakes up, and notices his friends are gone. Surprised, he walks downstairs and asks the receptionist where they went.

The nervous receptionist whispers that KGB came and took them before dawn.

The man is horrified. He wonders why he was spared.

The receptionist responds:

“Well, comrade major did quite like your tea joke.”

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Johnny Johnny? Yes pa pa Eating Sugar? Yes pa pa, I am eating sugar because it is the only thing i can reach and you have refused to feed me for the past 3 days. You smoke 2 packs of cigs a day and you’re mad at me for eating a little sugar. Smoking? Telling lies? Yes pa pa, you do all of those things because you’re a chronic addict.

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Cremation, The last chance for a smoking hot body.

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What do you call a burning church?

Holy Smokes

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My bf: knock knock me:whos there my bf:ice cream me:ice cream who my bf: ice cream if you don’t let me see that smoking hot body

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What Did Rapper Pop Smoke get high off of? Cigarettes with Pop & Smoke.

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When the school shooter throws a smoke grenade into the classroom and the autistic kid thinks it’s a Disco party.???

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Ya know I’m not to I to black girls, but Kobe’s daughter was smoking!!!

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How is smoking similar to oral sex? The closer to the butt you get the stronger the flavor!??

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Last week I felt so high and mighty I thought I could fly I took one shot puffed through my pipe and jumped in the air on a trampoline I woke up in heaven. I asked an angel how did I die you? "Well little monkey you thought your bed was a trampoline and you hit your head your mom called the doctor and doctor said you were dead.

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I don’t drink, don’t swear, don’t smoke, shit, I left my cigerates at the f@cking bar! (Andrew Dice Clay.)

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Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana, Jack got high and grabbed her thigh and said you know you wanna. Jill said yes and lifted her dress so they could have some fun, but stupid Jill forgot her pill and now they have a son.

What do you call a retard smoking weed? a baked potato

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A couple of cows were smoking a joint and playing cards… The steaks were pretty high

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One day little johnny saw his grandpa smoking a cigar johnny said can i have puff grandpa said can your dick touch your ass johnny said no then thats your answer later that day johnny saw his grandpa drinking a drink johnny said can i have a sip grandpa said the same thing can your dick touch your ass johnny said no then thats your answer later that night johnny was eating some cookies in the kitchin grandpa said hi son can i have a cookie johnny said htm title=' said yes johnny said good go f@ck yourself'>can your dick touch your ass grandpa said yes johnny said good go f@ck yourself

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A little chimney said: “Ooooh, I think my house owner is making a fire in me! I’m about to smoke!!”

The big chimney said next to him: “Well, your to young to smoke…”

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