Teacher jokes

Teacher:what does a pig give you Little Johnny:Bacon Teacher:good,what does the sheep give you Little Johnny:Wool Teacher:What does the fat cow give you Little Johnny: homework and says leave motherf*cker

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do u guys know how to make a hoe in minecraft? you pick it up off the street.

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A teacher asked his students a math question. “You have one dollar. Your parents give you five dollars. How much money do you have?” After some thinking, about half the class raised their hands. The teacher called on a little girl in the front. “One dollar!” she said

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Little Johnny went to school and right before class started, he pulled down his pants and said “Little fishy, little fishy, little fishy.” After that, his teacher told him to put on his pants and go to the office. The principal asked him what he did, so he pulled down his pants and said “Little fishy, little fishy, little fishy.” Then the principal called his mom. The mom got there and took little Johnny home. They got in the car, and his mother asked "Johnny, what did you do this time? So johnny pulled his pants and said “Little fishy, little fishy, little fishy.” Once they got home his dad was off work and heard that johnny was coming home early from school, once again he asked johnny what he did. Johnny pulled down his pants and said “Little fishy, little fishy, little fishy.” After that, his dad was surprised so his dad pulled down his pants and said “Big whale, big whale.”

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New Teacher: I was an orphan as a kid. Students: sad Teacher: anyway Is anyone missing. Students: Your Parents “I had a great day today.” “Why?” “Because Allison was frustrated at her calculator and started banging it on the side of the table and the teacher screamed, ‘Allison how would you like it if I banged you on the table?’”

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A little boy got the homework that he had to learn the four first letters of the alphabet. He went to his mother, who was knitting and had hurt herself. He asked her what the first letter of the alphabet was, and she said a swear word. He wen’t to his brother, who was playing with a superman, and asked what the second letter of the alphabet was, and he answered ‘SUPERMAN!!!’. Then he went to his little sister, and asked what the third letter of the alphabet was, and given the fact that she was playing with Barbies, she said "in the barbie dream house! Then he went to his father who was watching a soccer game, and his team just scored, so when he asked what the fourth letter of the alphabet was, he said ‘Ole Ole Ole!!!’. The next day at school, the teacher asked the little boy what the first four letters of the alphabet were. He said the swear word. ‘WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE, YOUNG MAN!!!’, the teacher boomed. ‘Superman’, the boy replied. ‘WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?!?!?!’, the teacher continued. ‘In the Barbie Dream House’ ‘GO TO THE PRINCIPALS OFFICE! !!’ ‘OLE OLE OLE OLE!’, the boy chanted on his was down the hall.

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An old teacher asked her student, “If I say, ‘I am beautiful,’ which tense is that?” The student replied, “It is obviously past.”

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Teacher: People with Depression never get anywhere in life. Student 1: My mom has depression, but she died. Student 2: My sister has depression and she’s going to Therapy. Student 3: My Dad Has depression, and he’s Doing REALLY Well

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Teacher: what’s 3 minus 1? Me: i don’t know Teacher: how about this, you have three cakes, I take one how many cakes do you have? Me: three Teacher: If I take one cake from your three what do you have? Me: three cakes and a dead teacher. ??

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Teacher: Describe a penguin Student: Black, White, Beak Teacher: Good, now describe an orphan Student: Sad, maybe depressed, No family Teacher: Amazing, now describe a cow Student: Brown bun hair, red shirt, white skirt, pantyhose, and dollar tree shoes Teacher: No! How does that describe a cow? Student: It describes you tho.

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One day Timmy walks in on his mum in the bath. Then he asks “What’s that dark fuzzy thing, mummy?” and mum said “It’s a bush, every girl has one!” Then the next day he walks in on his dad in the shower. So he asks “Daddy, what’s that long thing?” The dad then says “It’s a sexy boy” accidentally. Timmy asks his dad “What does sexy mean?” And the dad says “Your mother, of course.” making it seem like a child-friendly compliment. Then the next day at school Timmy wanted to compliment his teacher. He walks up to her and says “You’re so so sexy!”

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Michael Jackson was once a guitar teacher, but he got fired because he fingered a minor

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