Woman jokes

A man robs a bank and asks a woman, “did you see that?” She says “yes”, so the man shoots her. He leaves the bank and sees a couple, he asks “did you see that?” “No but my wife did!” The husband said.

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“What does the word ‘gay’ mean?” asked a son his father. “It means ‘happy’,” replied the father. “Oh,” contested the son, “so you are gay then?” “No, son, I have a wife.”

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A woman goes into labor with her child. The doctor says that they have invented a new device to transfer the pain of child birth to the father. He asks if it is ok to use the new device. The couple agrees and so he turns the pain to the father to 10%. The man feels nothing. They then bump it up to 20%. He still feels nothing. They keep doing this until they have the machine up to 100%. The man still felt nothing so they go home happy, until they find the milkman dead on the porch.

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What do the twin towers and my ex-girlfriend have in common? They both went down on my dad.

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Wife:Honey im pregnant Husband:Hi Pregnant im dad Wife:No you’re not

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A man wakes up from his operation and the doctor says ‘I have bad news and good news, what do you want to hear first?’ The man says ‘bad’ so the doctor says ‘during the surgery your girlfriend decided to leave a message that she’s leaving you for another man’ the man says ‘what’s the good then? ’ And the doctor says ‘I’m picking her up at 7’

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The other day my friend messaged by saying “bro I have two pieces of bad news for you.” I told him to combine them. He replied with “your girlfriend is cheating on both of us.”

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Boy: my girlfriend didn’t dump me, I dumped her… Off the nearby cliff

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Hey what is the difference between a painting and a wife? Only the wife was hung up

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What is easier to pick up the heavier it gets? Women.

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so i was sitting on the couch with a woman,and i asked her,does this napkin smell like chloroform?

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Doctor: Madam, Your Husband Needs Rest And Peace So Here Are Some Sleeping Pills. Wife: Doctor, When Should I Give Them To Him? Doctor: They Are For You.!!

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If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive, they would eventually find me attractive.

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My girlfriend left me because of my obsession with pasta. – I’m doing well, but I do get cannelloni.

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My fifth wife asked me to help her dig in the garden. Here we go again

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