I walked into the kitchen and saw my wife chopping up onions which made me cry.
Onions was a good dog.
One day a couple was walking when the man stepped on something hard and squishy then they heard a sound from the bushes, instead of looking down they both ran.
Two years later they turned on the TV to find Ted Bundy on trial they asked him if he has ever been caught he said “No but a couple was walking as soon as i killed a girl i jumped into a bush they didnt know i was there but the man stepped on the dead body but didn’t look down then he and his girlfriend ran.”
What is similar about a dog and a woman? You can ask them to come
My wife said if I don’t get of the computer shes gonna slam my head in to the keyboard but I think I’ll ajlkfsdhnvkwr;anhf
My wife left me for an Indian guy. – I know he’s going to treat her well, I heard they worship cows.
What’s the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb You can unscrew a light bulg
If a woman sleeps with 10 men she’s a slut, but if a man does it… He’s gay, definitely gay.
My girlfriend lives a few miles away from me. The other night, she called me at around 3 AM. She was terrified. She said that there were two armed gunmen in her apartment. With all that adrenaline going through my system, it made it hard to go back to sleep.
I broke up with my deaf girlfriend because she never listened to me.
You can tell a lot about a woman from her ankles. – If they are on your shoulders, she probably likes you.
Little Johnny runs up to his mother and says, “mommy mommy, the other day I was playing with my ball upstairs and my ball got away and into your closet, and when I went to get it, daddy came in with the lady next door and they started hugging and kissing and the lady next door took off daddy’s clothes and daddy took off the clothes from the lady next door, and they both got into your bed, and the lady next door got on top of daddy and started…”. The mother cuts him off and says “just stop right there. You wait until your daddy comes home so you can tell him everything you just told me.” Couple hours later the father arrives and walks through the door to find his wife and child with bags packed. She walks up to him and slaps across the face shouting “I’m leaving you… Go ahead Johnny, tell him what you told me earlier.” Johnny steps forward to tell his daddy. “Daddy, the other day I was playing with my ball upstairs and my ball got away and into your closet, and when I went to get it, you came in with the lady next door and you both started hugging and kissing and the lady next door took off your clothes and you took off the clothes from the lady next door, and you both got into your bed, and the lady next door got on top of you and started doing the same thing mom did with uncle joe last summer.”
Your at your girlfriends house for a family dinner. Your GF says, " Daddy please pass me the salt." when you and her father begin to reach for the salt.
What’s the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb
You can’t unscrew a pregnant woman
What’s a similarity between a broken lightbulb, and a pregnant woman They’re both accidents
They’re both accidents
Do you know what’s the difference between a knife and a girl’s argument
A knife has a point
I cought my girlfriend cheating on me, with our dad.
What do you call it if your mom is a guy and ur dad is a woman?
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