What do you do after your girlfriend with two broken legs dumps you? Take her wheel chair, she’ll come crawling back.
Hey what is the difference between a painting and a wife? Only the wife was hung up
Me and my girlfriend were planning on having sex but I said me and my little brother share a bunk bed and he’s on the bottom. She said tell him we’re making sandwiches so we came up with a plan. Tomato means harder and cheese means faster. So we were having sex and she was screaming tomato tomato tomato cheese cheese cheese, then my little brother said can y’all stop making sandwiches your getting mayonnaise all over my bed.
like if you have a boyfriend girlfriend or husband or wife or a crush.
What do you do if your girlfriend starts smoking? Stop and apply lubrication.
Damn girl, are you a smoke detector? Because you’re super annoying and won’t shut up.
An American woman married a British man. On their honeymoon, the British husband said, ?You look like a million pounds!? The wife divorced him.
A woman noticed her husband standing on a bathroom scale, sucking in his stomach. “Ha! Thats not going to help! ” She said. “Sure it does.” he said. “Its the only way i can see the numbers.”
My ex girlfriend got hit by a bus. I also lost my bus drivers licence.
In my mothers generation, they grew up with wonder woman. In ours, we have to wonder if she’s a woman.
Little Johhny is walking around and peaks in his parents room, catching them having sex so he asks, “What are you guys doing?” and they reply “Nothing, nothing! we’re just uh, making cake” and they send him away. So he continues walking around and he hears some strange noises coming from his brothers room so he walks in and catches his brother and his brothers girlfriend having sex and then asks him “What are you guys doing?” and his brother yells “Get out! were making cake!” So Johnny leaves and goes to his room. The next day the whole family is at the dinner table and Little Johnny turns to his sister and says “So, you and your boyfriend were making cake last night huh!” and she replies “OMG! Howd you know! ?!?” and Johnny replies “Because, I licked the icing off the couch” ayyyyyy.
A young blonde woman fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. The hysterical blonde tells her husband: “Shut up … you’re next!”
20 years of sex in the dark the wife find out he was using a dildo the wife get angry and says ?explain the dildo prick? the husband says ?explain the children bitch
My girlfriend told me to stop playing Pokemon as it was childish. I started thrashing about and roared “You don’t have enough badges to control me!”
Why did the astronaut break up with his girlfriend? - Because he needed some space.
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