So i was sitting on the couch with a woman,and i asked her,does this napkin smell like chloroform?
My girlfriend broke up with me because I stole her wheelchair.
But I knew she’d come crawling back to me.
What’s the difference between a battery and my wife? The battery has a positive side
My girlfriend lives a few miles away from me. The other night, she called me at around 3 AM. She was terrified. She said that there were two armed gunmen in her apartment. With all that adrenaline going through my system, it made it hard to go back to sleep.
Today was a terrible day. My wife got hit by a bus, and I lost my job as a bus driver
My German girlfriend likes to rate our sex between 1-10.
Last night we tried anal, she kept shouting 9!
That’s the best I’ve done so far.
I know a woman who owns a taser. – She’s stunning!
A: Whats the similarity between your girlfriend and the Sun?
B: They’re both hot?
A: They’re both massive.
What kind of woman does Bill Cosby like the most?
The “cold and passed out” kind.
If a woman sleeps with 10 men she’s a slut, but if a man does it… He’s gay, definitely gay.
Little johnny was siting in class one day and the teacher was talking about life and ask him " little johnny how do you want your wife to be like" and he answered " like the moon" and the teacher said " that’s such a beautiful answer because it calm and peaceful " and little htm title=' appears at night and disappears in the morning'>johnny said " no because it appears at night and disappears in the morning"
Little Johnny runs up to his mother and says, “mommy mommy, the other day I was playing with my ball upstairs and my ball got away and into your closet, and when I went to get it, daddy came in with the lady next door and they started hugging and kissing and the lady next door took off daddy’s clothes and daddy took off the clothes from the lady next door, and they both got into your bed, and the lady next door got on top of daddy and started…”. The mother cuts him off and says “just stop right there. You wait until your daddy comes home so you can tell him everything you just told me.” Couple hours later the father arrives and walks through the door to find his wife and child with bags packed. She walks up to him and slaps across the face shouting “I’m leaving you… Go ahead Johnny, tell him what you told me earlier.” Johnny steps forward to tell his daddy. “Daddy, the other day I was playing with my ball upstairs and my ball got away and into your closet, and when I went to get it, you came in with the lady next door and you both started hugging and kissing and the lady next door took off your clothes and you took off the clothes from the lady next door, and you both got into your bed, and the lady next door got on top of you and started doing the same thing mom did with uncle joe last summer.”
I keep looking for my girlfriends killer but no one wants to do it.
When your girlfriend has an abortion, it’s kinda like dodging your own bullets.
A young blonde woman fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. The hysterical blonde tells her husband: “Shut up … you’re next!”
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