My girlfriend keeps calling me a pedophile. That’s a big word for a seven year old.
A elderly woman and an elderly man were at a retirement home The man was shuffling a deck of cards for a card game The man asks "Is it your first time? " The woman replies “It’s been a while since a man has asked me that.”
A woman goes into labor with her child. The doctor says that they have invented a new device to transfer the pain of child birth to the father. He asks if it is ok to use the new device. The couple agrees and so he turns the pain to the father to 10%. The man feels nothing. They then bump it up to 20%. He still feels nothing. They keep doing this until they have the machine up to 100%. The man still felt nothing so they go home happy, until they find the milkman dead on the porch.
Girlfriend: you remind me of a cellphone Ex Boyfriend: how and why? Girlfriend: Because your about to die
“I’m not sure why my girlfriend’s father doesn’t like me.” “What was your first impression on him?” “I told him, she calls me daddy too.”
i cought my girlfriend cheating on me, with our dad.
My girlfriends last words I can’t wait to become a mom
What’s the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb You can’t unscrew a pregnant woman What’s a similarity between a broken lightbulb, and a pregnant woman They’re both accidents
Husband: Hay honey words can’t describe how beautiful you are. Wife: aww thanks Husband:But numbers can 0 out of 10
Damn girl, are you a smoke detector? Because you’re super annoying and won’t shut up.
I asked a pretty, young homeless woman if I could take her home. She smiled at me and said yes. The look on her face soon changed, however, when I walked off with her cardboard box.
Women are like dogs… “Where are you going? Where are you going? Where are you going?” “Can I come? Can I come? Can I come? ” “I’ll wait right here… I’ll wait right here… I’ll wait right here…” SHOES
Girlfriends are just like Ak47s they always go off on you.
One night, I saw a woman sitting behind a dumpster. So I took her home. We talked all the way there. When we got home, I gave her a bath. Later on, things started getting passionate. We started doing intercourse, and some of the noises she made you would have thought she was still alive!
I was out for dinner with my 19 year old girlfriend. I being 42, had many people shouting at me, scolding me, calling me a creep. It really ruined our 10th anniversary.
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