Woman jokes

My German girlfriend likes to rate our sex between 1-10. Last night we tried anal, she kept shouting 9! That’s the best I’ve done so far.

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My wife wanted a present that could go from Zero to 80 very quickly. So I got her a new set of bathroom scales.

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Vagina jokes aren’t funny. Moist of the time.

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Have u ever noticed When a woman is pregnant aII her friends touch her stomach and say “congrats” but none of them touch the man’s penis and say “weII done”

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A blind woman tells her boyfriend that she’s seeing someone. It’s either really terrible news or really great news.

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What’s the difference between a battery and my wife? The battery has a positive side

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Fishing and girlfriends are exactly alike, there may be plenty of fish in the sea, but until i find one, i’m stuck here holding my rod

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The Coach of the Detroit Lions had put together the perfect football team. But then his quarterback got blindsided and was out for the season with a knee injury. Then his backup went down with a concussion. He tried the trading route, free agents, but nobody any good was available. One evening while watching the news from Iraq, he saw a young Iraqi soldier

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Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle? Because his wife died.

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A man boards a plane with six children of various ages. After the plane takes off, a woman sitting sitting behind the man asks him, “are all of them yours?” “No,” the man responds. “I work for a condom company and these are some of the customer complaints.”

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If depression is going to be my girlfriend. Will she leave me?

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Therapist: so what brought you here today? wife: he’s too literal Therapist: and you sir? husband: my truck

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I asked a poor old woman if I could take her home. She smiled and said yes. However the expression on her face soon changed when I started walking away with her cardboard box.

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Do you know what’s the difference between a knife and a girl’s argument A knife has a point

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My girlfriend told me to stop playing Pokemon as it was childish. I started thrashing about and roared “You don’t have enough badges to control me!”

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